Dealing with Financial Uncertainty as an ACOD: My Experience in Going From Striving to Thriving

If your parents divorced when you were an adult, like mine did, you may have experienced strife over paying for a wedding or a car. For me, my parents fought over who paid for what while I was in law school, including the cost of the postage stamp used to mail my monthly check! My parents’ contention over petty things affected my image of God the Father, who cannot be outdone in generosity (see Matthew 19:29). If my parents argued over who paid an extra few pennies to help support me, I certainly could not rely on them to provide anything, including financially.

Beautiful Moments

I thought that if I just sat down and listed all the things I ‘should’ be grateful for in my life that I would then become a person filled with gratitude. I saw this exercise as the ‘fix’ for my pain and struggles. All the people I read about who had done this seemed so happy and peaceful. I wanted that for myself! My experience in life, largely shaped by my parents divorce, had taught me (incorrectly) that if I wanted something I had to get it for myself. So I went for it, only to be disappointed again and again.

Spend time with the Holy Family this Advent and Christmas

The only thing I can really control is my own internal, spiritual life (although I admit even that seems out of control at times!). Right now, I want to do that by spending more time with the most perfect of families! The best part is that I know I am called to be a part of this perfect, intact family! I think that spending time with the Holy Family will keep me focused and restful.

First-Person, AdviceStephanie GulyaNovember 26, 2023Life-Giving WoungsHoly Family, holidays, spiritual lifeComment

10 Practical Tips for Preparing for Upcoming, Difficult Family Events

What if my mom brings her new boyfriend to Thanksgiving when dad is there? What if I start feeling sad and my much younger sister who did not experience the family divorce the way I did, tells me again to knock it off and just enjoy myself? What if my brother, who is not speaking to dad since he left the family, stomps off to his room? Why can’t we just have Christmas together like we used to?

AdviceLeeAnne AbelNovember 19, 2023Life-Giving Woundsholidays, St. Eugene de MazenodComment

When Your Parents Divorce, It Sticks with You

The Catechism says that “divorce brings grave harm . . . to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them” (2385). Traumatized is not a word to employ lightly, and its usage indicates the Church’s acknowledgment that divorce has deep and long-lasting effects on children that deserve attention and healing.

Advice, Relationship AdviceBethany MeolaAugust 14, 2022trauma, identity Comments

Sibling to Sibling Challenges and Opportunities for ACODs

One common ACOD challenge is that typical sibling-to-sibling relationship “issues” can be impacted by the family upheaval, and relationships between step-siblings bring fresh challenges, which sometimes can make a bad thing (divorce) worse and can cause even further alienation and discouragement between existing and new family members.

Relationship Advice, AdviceArt BennettJuly 10, 2022Life Giving Woundstemperaments, siblings, step-familiesComment

Navigating Boundaries as an Adult Child of Divorce (Part Four: Tips for Setting Boundaries)

May God, for Whom nothing is impossible, help you to navigate all of the relationships in your life so that you may be fully alive as a person, in your relationships with others, and in your relationship with Him.

Advice, Relationship Advice, PsychologyDr. Jill VerschaetseJuly 3, 2022Life Giving Woundsboundaries, PsychologyComment

Overcoming Pornography Addiction as an ACOD: Part Two

Porn and masturbation were supposed to be behind me. They were things from the past, when I had been a foolish teenager. Now I was a faithful Catholic studying theology on scholarship. What would people think? It's one thing to disclose a past addiction to those you love. It's another to return to admit that the past isn't even past.

Navigating Boundaries as an Adult Child of Divorce (Part Three: Boundary Patterns and the Spiritual Life)

Continuing with the themes from Part Two of this series, let us look at boundaries with God in light of the extremes of avoidant independence and enmeshed dependence.

Believe His Voice: Part 2

In my previous post “Believe His Voice,” I told in detail about my struggle with the different voices in my head, all vying for power and control. Once I came to realize and recognize the voices I was hearing, so many things became clearer in my life. Simply knowing what was going on in my mind and heart was (and is) empowering.

AdviceStephanie GulyaApril 3, 2022Bethany MeolaHoly Scripture, spiritual life, prayerComment

5 Invisible Wounds an Adult Child of Divorce May Experience

If your parents are divorced or have split up, you’re not alone. While family breakdown can impact a child’s life in several noticeable ways - such as being more likely to grow up in poverty, more likely to drop out of school, and more likely to experience emotional or behavioral problems - it’s harder to see the invisible wounds that can last into adulthood. But these wounds are no less real...

AdviceBethany MeolaMarch 27, 2022Life Giving Woundsdivorce happy talk, self-protection, identityComment

Forgiveness: Why Is It So Hard?

Forgiveness is hard. I can attest to that. I was born angry (by the looks of my baby picture!) and my parents’ divorce cemented that anger even more. I was the queen of holding grudges; I literally held them for years. But that was before I reverted to Catholicism, and I heard about forgiveness on a daily basis through the Lord’s Prayer and the teachings of Jesus.

Forgiving Your Parents for Past (or Present) Hurts

Keep in mind that forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation (which takes two people), but sometimes must be offered unilaterally. It is a difficult process, but it is also freeing. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, condoning, or approving the harm done, and it goes hand and hand with setting healthy boundaries. Seeking out therapy and empathizing with the other person’s own struggles helps.

AdviceBethany MeolaDecember 8, 2021Life-Giving Woundsforgiveness, boundaries, therapy, anger, St. Maria GorettiComment

Five Ways Priests and Church Leaders Can Help Adult Children of Divorce (ACODs) Heal

When the home is shattered by the brokenness of divorce, one must boldly turn to the Church. And so, for those leaders in the Church who come into contact with adult children of divorce, here are five ways that you can help bring them Christ’s healing truth.