Experiencing rejection from someone you really like, and feel a connection to, is always a painful experience. For an adult child of divorce (ACOD), it can be painful and challenging in a whole other light. I am speaking from personal experience due to a rejection that I experienced recently. I know I am not alone in this. While living in Spain, I met and began talking to and getting to know a Spanish man. He and I shared the same Catholic faith and the same values. We talked so easily and could speak each other’s languages. I sensed no red flags and felt at peace and hopeful about discerning a dating relationship that I could see coming. I believe that he did, too. I began to feel a connection early on, but, alas, before too much time, he rejected me, with the only reason being that I was a foreigner: I am an American of Mexican heritage.

For adult children of divorce, a fear of dating, relationships, and the thought of marriage one day can be very real. As ACODs, we have been profoundly wounded by relationships and marriage. We saw what was meant to last instead fall apart. We were robbed of our need and right to be raised by both of our parents together in the same house, to bear an image and example to us of agape love, which is the kind of love that God has for us. The sacrament of holy matrimony is good, beautiful, and holy. Marriage and family life must follow the vows, which is God’s design and plan for marriage and family life. As children of divorce or separation, we saw distortions of the truth and something beautiful and good turned ugly and undesirable.

When my future husband Raphy asked me if I would like to enter into a courtship with him to discern marriage together, I was excited but also scared because I didn’t know what this journey would entail. I also didn’t know if I would be truly ready to say “yes” to marriage. I desired to be married, but would I be able to do my part in it?

I was at a crossroads. My heart ached for this love to be true, I wanted so badly to believe it was for me, but I was so scared what that might mean. How silly! My life had changed 180 degrees over those 7 years, so what the heck was I waiting for? What was I scared of? I was scared that God would change his mind, like I thought love did when my parents divorced when I just a baby...